alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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