Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
