I must be too annoying 4 u.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
