if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Your mouth is God's brothel.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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