Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
