need another drink. this is the easiest way
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
