Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
