Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
