I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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