god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
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