Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
