your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
