I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
