dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
