take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
