Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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