if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Non-Jews are for practice
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
bring money and cleavage
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
