I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
