i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
