She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
