No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
