Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
