Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
