think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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