i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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