I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
