please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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