Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
