I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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