Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
