I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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