I puked a lego.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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