It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
