She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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