She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
