Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
