I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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