Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
