Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
