she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
