i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
