We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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