I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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