It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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