Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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