the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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