guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
