Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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