am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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