somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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