Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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